Monday, April 18, 2011

How-To-Toastdays

Get it? How-to-Toastdays, not How-to-Tuesdays... Stay tuned to this blog for some clever stuff like that.

I was inspired by Stie to share my knowledge and skilz with all of her loyal blog reading fans and all of my loyal readers as well...


Today, we are learning to make toast. If you follow these simple instructions you too can learn to make yummy toast just like they do at Ihop.


First...



Set out all of the ingredients necessary for toast. I prefer to use white bread. But you could substitute wheat or other drier varieties of bread if you like. (Note, you will also need a toaster).

Second...

Plug in the toaster (not shown in photos, use google for additional help in steps not shown in photographs).

Third...

Select the number of slices of toast that you would like to make. The model of your toaster may limit the number of slices of toast you can make at one time. After you have grabbed the correct number of pieces of raw bread that you wish to convert to toast, gently place bread in one of the cooking slots on your toaster. This is very important, if you squeeze your bread it would be sqwooshed, and it doesn't turn out as good.

Fourth...

Most toasters come with a little knob, or sometimes a sliding device that is used to determine the amount of time that a toaster cooks. This step is not shown, but it is also very important that you understand how to operate the toaster. Improper operation of this simple knob could result in undercooked toast, or even worse... burnt toast.

Fifth...


Gently depress the spring-loaded actuator on the toaster to allow the electrical contacts within the toaster itself to become charged with energy and begin to radiate beautiful red heat rays into your bread. Through this simple act the metamorphic process begins, and will result in yummy crunchy toast.



Sixth...


You have to be very patient while waiting for toast, but while I am waiting, I like to get the butter ready to spread on the toast. This is also a very important step, that takes a great deal of preparation that begins hours earlier. The butter must be soft, and in order to achieve the desired viscosity, the butter should be allowed to rest on the counter at room temperatures for several hours.


Whoah... what was that noise? No need to be startled... It was just the toaster popping up. Now, gently remove the toast from the toaster, and...


Carefully, while holding the camera for the blog in one hand, butter the toast with the other...



And, finally... eat the toast and savor the delicious buttery goodness as it melts in my mouth, like morsels of deliciously prepared toast.


Enjoy...

9 comments:

Lauren in GA said...

You kill me, man.

I did learn a lot from this...I mean, I had no idea that butter preparation begins hours before application. I have been doing this incorrectly for years.

Oh, and nice use of the word, "viscosity". This post was truly informative.

Karey said...

Thank you! Thank you! I have always wanted to learn this! You're the best!

Donna said...

hahaha! A fun read. Thanks!

Robin said...

Thanks for the tutorial. I think I will try this.

:)

Christie said...

I don't understand half the words you just said. Did you make them up? Actuator? Viscosity? Please type all future posts in English. Thank you.

Christie said...

P.S. This was the best post you've ever written, brother. Please channel this brain power again. For the good of the internet.

Rocky Creek Valley Farm said...

Acuator? I thought it was a thingy. You sound like a technical sort of guy...can you explain to me how the internet works?

3leftturns said...

I find it very funny the amount of time you spend tormenting our sister. If only you used that power for good... if only...

Check out a REAL how to tuesday post: http://www.backporchgourmet.com/2011/04/how-to-tuesday-how-to-make-grilled.html

Lala said...

I don't know if it's right to be encouraging you or not - but kind of funny. =)